Facebook emails received yesterday:
“Buku S—— invited you the event “Book Recycling at Union Square”
“Maris K—— invited you the event “Vol. 1 Brooklyn Birthday: The Greatest 3-Minute Record Reviews”
About twice a day a perfect argument for why even competent writers need editors lands in my Inbox. Below is the latest, and it typifies one of the primary ways organizations misuse email, churning out external communications that are not only too long but also, ultimately, ineffectual.
Hello there, very nice place
I’d like a packet of biscuits,
please.
Are you from San Diego?
In truth, immediately I didn’t understand the essence. But after re-reading all at once became clear.
You will need to see a doctor.
We must have lunch together.
That’s it.
I love you.
My company produces electronic equipment.
I’ll have another lager, please.
Have you got a bigger one?
Let’s look at your throat.
Does anything hurt ache?
Where are you going?
I hope that I did not hurt you.
I really like your blog and i respect your work. I’ll be a frequent visitor.
Ya tender a grin in my face.
Where can I get a bus to the museum?
What would you propose then?
No way!
I don’t feel like going there.
It’s out of the question.
Well
Can you recommend a good disco?
My name is Liz.
I’ll just check your weight.
I am not feeling very well.
Not long ago I received a one-page notice from the Corporate Records Compliance Office informing me that:
“New York State Business Corporation Law Article Six requires non-exempt New York corporations to hold annual meetings of shareholders for elections of directors and conduct of other business, to appoint one or more inspectors and make a written report of meetings and to keep minutes of meetings of shareholders, directors and officers in written form or in form capable of reproduction to written form in a reasonable time.”
The notice looked like any other that occasionally arrives in the mail to warn me of impending changes in state unemployment insurance law. The top half of the letter listed the incorporation date of Wherewithal Press (the name of my small business), plus a mysterious “Secretary of State No.” It informed me I was “CRCO file no. 283686NYN1.” The bottom half included a table where I could list company officers and directors, plus instructions for what to do if I ran out of room.
The consequences of non-compliance, the letter stated, was “personal liability of the corporation’s shareholders, directors and officers for all corporation debts and obligations.” Which is funny, because the whole point of a corporation is to get out from under the major profit drag that is “personal liability,” but whatever. Moving on. The CRCO assured me that compliance was guaranteed if I’d simply fill out the table as instructed, and enclose it plus a check for $120 in the envelope provided.
In return, the CRCO would send me a “Certificate of Minutes of Board of Directors and Shareholders” within 3 weeks. This would keep those pesky feds off my back. Here’s the letter:
What you see there at the bottom is a short disclaimer: “Participation in the services offered by CRCO is voluntary and elective.” Opposite the gray-shaded box demanding $120.00 is another gray-shaded box, this one adding that “[t]his service has not been approved or endorsed by any government agency and this offer is not being made by an agency of the government. This is not a bill.”
Ohhhhhhh. I see. So I guess that gets them off the hook for mail fraud.
The address given for the Corporate Records Compliance Office, by the way, is 125 Wolf Rd. Ste. #306, Albany, NY 12205.