On Being Offended
Posted: December 29th, 2009 | Author: admin | Filed under: arguments, communications | Tags: offended, offending, offensive | No Comments »Apropos of here and here, here’s one more reason why being “offended” ought to end with 2009. Yes, the “offensive” label is overused; if everyone is driving around offended all the time, it makes it harder to gin up real outrage when real outrage is warranted; and yes, saying x is offensive to me is a weird passive construction and way of distancing yourself while still sounding judgmental and disapproving but without actually committing yourself to an overt explanation of why you’re offended. In a word, it’s prissy.
But slapping a “that’s offensive” label on something just doesn’t accomplish what it’s meant to accomplish. It’s often said with the hope of prompting the offender to reevaluate their statement(s). You say that all women who wear mascara are disease-ridden whores, and I say, “Wow, offensive!” but my real point is probably this: I don’t agree. I wear mascara. I don’t have sex for money. Perhaps you should reconsider what you’ve just said, or risk hurting people’s feelings.
If I were extra sanctimonious, I might even be hoping that by calling you offensive, you’d be embarrassed, possibly even ashamed.
Two BIG PROBLEMS right there: 1) Shame simply isn’t that potent a social phenomenon any more. 2) The subtext of “That’s offensive” is usually that you, the offended, are a kinder, more sensitive, and thoughtful individual than the offender is. This is insulting. And you can insult someone, or attempt to influence them, but you can’t do both at the same time.